Dom/me Responsibilities  01-15-00

What is a Dom/me, what are Their responsibilities and how do you choose one that is right for you

Sex_GrandMaster says, "today's topic is what is a Dom/me, what are Their responsibilities and how do you choose one that is right for you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the important thing to remember here is that the intent of these classes is not to produce a bunch of clone subs
Sex_GrandMaster says, "but rather to help give you information to help you be the best sub you can be and still maintain your personality and charms"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "whether it is to be online only or RL at some point
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and I will also eventually cover safety topics in the lifestyle
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the biggest problem I see with subs and Dom/mes alike is the rush to find a partner"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "My theory is that Dom/mes are supposed to be the Teachers and guiding factors in your lifestyle choice
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you of course will learn from exchanging knowledge and experiences with the other subs
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I do not believe that subs teach a Dom/me to be a M/M or Mentor a Dom/me
_toyresa_ says, "Sensei are we allowed to disagree with something ?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you may raise your hand and state your opinion toy, but I will not allow arguing in the classroom"
_toyresa_ says, "yes Sir  , not my style anyhow.. may i state my opinion?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and everyone has their own opinions, that is what I am offering you, if it doesn't make sense then you don't accept it anyway"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "what I am telling you is based on my experience and position in this lifestyle"
_toyresa_ says, "thank you  Sensei .. You just made part of my point .. my opinion is also based on my experience
Sex_GrandMaster nods
_toyresa_ says, "in 19 yrs of active time with Dominants , i came to understand that  Dominants learn from their sub/slave"
Sex_GrandMaster listens
_toyresa_ says, "not  s much  TO BE a Dominant but to be a better one"
_toyresa_ says, "that's it Sir thank you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "there is no dispute of that toy and if you had waited that fact would have come up in the description of what a Dom/me is"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the statement I made was that a submissive does not teach One to be a Dom/me
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now to start with there is a difference between a Dom/me or Dominant and One who has earned the right to be called a Master or Mistress
Sex_GrandMaster says, "anyone with a Dominant personality can be a Dom/me
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and by nature usually is a Dominant type of person
Sex_GrandMaster says, "to earn the right to be called a Master or Mistress they must first learn control of the most difficult person in their lives
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is Themselves
Sex_GrandMaster says, "next they must learn how to care for a submissive and determine what the submissive needs and wants"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "as each submissive is a different personality that is not an easy task"
_kylaira . o O ( knows she is a piece of work... smiles )
Sex_GrandMaster says, "they must also learn the skills and finesse of control of another person even though that control is given as a gift"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "they must learn their responsibilities to the person giving that gift of control"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and then they must come to the realization that they will have to continue to learn as long as they are in this lifestyle"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "teaching and guiding the submissive and learning from the experience of teaching and guiding the submissive or submissives"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Their responsibilities are to care for the submissive, to be loving and guiding in the manner that that submissive needs"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "to see to it that they continue the submissives education in this lifestyle and expand and push the threshold of their submission"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "They must be there for their submissive when they need them
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now let Me expand on the word "need""
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a Master or Mistress must also become adept at determining what is a need versus a want"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a need is something that must be fulfilled in order for the union to continue working
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a want on the other hand is something that is perhaps desired by the submissive but not an absolute necessity
_toyresa_ raises hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes toy?"
_toyresa_ says, "experience has taught me sometimes that  some wants must be given the treatment of a need  by the Dom/mme in order to help me learn the differences  in myself"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "then it is defined as a need toy"
_toyresa_ says, "wow i really am needy then  lol"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes you are toy"
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
_toyresa_ grins
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is obvious to any Master or Mistress"
_toyresa_ says, "perhaps when some are fulfilled then many will fall away"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is right toy and your Master must determine which of those will or won't"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now are there any questions on what a Dom/me or Master or Mistress should be?"
imagine says, "no Sensei"
SGMs_annie says, "no Master"
_kylaira says, "is not a need something required to sustain life?  be it either physical or emotional life?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "notice the word "should""
_toyresa_ says, "i think that is a good definition  kyla"
_toyresa_ says, "a quick mental run through of my 'wants/needs'  places them in those categories"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a need is something that is required to sustain life, emotion and physical and to make that life grow"
_kylaira smiles..... and when i "give" myself to my Master........ it is implied that i trust Him to determine what those are
Sex_GrandMaster says, "therefore an experience that is desired in order to expand a horizon can become a need
_toyresa_ says, "and the denial of that  want  can make it appear to be a need"
_hurt says, "Sensei
Sex_GrandMaster says, "correct kyla, however it is also your responsibility to let your Master know of things you think you need"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes hurt?"
_kylaira says, "absolutely...."
_hurt says, "if one mistakes their needs can it not mess up everything else
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes hurt it certainly can, that is why an M/M has such a great responsibility
_toyresa_ says, "to read behind what is actually expressed
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if you think you have a need that is not being fulfilled it should be discussed
_hurt says, "how does one figure out their needs if they are mixed together to much"
_kylaira says, "one thing my Master discussed in the very beginning.... was that He is human....... and may make mistakes along the way......... because i am an individual........ it takes time...... trying things......... to know if it is a need for me"
_toyresa_ says, "and take it slow"
_toyresa_ says, "step by step"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is the responsibility of the M/M hurt to help determine those things that are a need and those that are wants"
_hurt says, "how does ones self get their needs in order if they are so screwed up?
_toyresa_ says, "example :  you might fantasize about being  flogged"
_toyresa_ says, "then the real thing happens and it is not the turn on you expected"
Sex_GrandMaster waits
_toyresa_ says, "a perceived need  and now a no way jose'"
_kylaira listens
Sex_GrandMaster says, "thank you toy, now may I have My class back?"
_toyresa_ says, "sometimes  experience it can be the only teacher"
_toyresa_ says, "but  you do not need to stand in a pile of manure to know it stinks .. so look closer at what you define as need"
_toyresa_ grins yes Sir
_toyresa_ says, "sorry Sir"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "thank you, next time raise your hand"
_toyresa_ says, "sorry Sir my mind gets running a hundred miles an hour in serious thought"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "hurt I suggest that you write down all the things you think you want and need, then categorize them on a scale of 1 to 10 in order of importance to you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "think seriously about each ones position
Sex_GrandMaster says, "then make two columns one headed "needs" and one headed "wants"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "move them into those columns in the order of importance you have assigned them
Sex_GrandMaster says, "do you have a Master or Mistress hurt?"
_hurt says, "Sensei you and i need to talk sometime--i need to be sane before i lose what i have"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I will be happy to help you hurt"
_toyresa_ hugs hurt
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
_hurt says, "i know Sir you are the last one left who can"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "perhaps after class or another time that is good for both"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "ok now how do you choose a Dom/me or M/M .... any ideas?"
_kylaira raises hand
_toyresa_ raises hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "kyla"
SGMs_annie raises my hand
_kylaira thank You Sir
_kylaira says, "when i was new... i spent a lot of time reading at Castle Realm... and found a wonderful suggestion that worked for me"
_kylaira says, "it kind of goes along with the want vs need thing to... come to think of it"
_kylaira says, "anyway..... it suggested to start a "journal" of sorts........ list all the traits you wanted in a M/M"
_kylaira says, "then spend time observing.... discussing...."
_kylaira says, "modifying that list as new things came up.... or as you realize you do not really care for a certain thing"
_kylaira says, "i found for myself.......... a sense of humor was high on the list"
_kylaira laughs
_kylaira says, "that is it in a nutshell"
Sex_GrandMaster nods
Sex_GrandMaster says, "toy"
_toyresa_ says, "thank you Sir"
_toyresa_ says, "the search  for a Dominant has to come from within me first"
_toyresa_ says, ".. how i feel about my needs .. are they important to me?  then they better be important to Him"
_toyresa_ says, "for me to give me to him , and to be able to forget who i am in favor of him ..then he has to make me realize i am that important to  him
_toyresa_ says, "because ultimately He gives Himself to me too.."
_toyresa_ says, "in a total trust exchange"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "annie?"
SGMs_annie says, "thank You Master"
SGMs_annie says, "taking your time, conversation, give time for the trust, respect and honor to have time to become the foundation of the relationship"
SGMs_annie finished
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "anyone else?"
imagine says, "no Sensei"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "well I'm surprised that no one came up with "pop in the chat and find a cute name, wink at them and get collared""
SGMs_annie laughs
Sex_GrandMaster says, "for many newcomers sadly that is the way it happens
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and that goes for both Dom/mes and subs"
_toyresa_ says, "forgot the wiggle the tushie part Sir  gets them every time"
Daris_comett bows to the Sensei
Sex_GrandMaster says, "unfortunately it stems from a hurry to have S/someone"
SGMs_annie pats the desk next to mine for comett
Daris_comett says, "permission to enter, Sensei?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "hello comett come on in and have a seat"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "toy I would like to address one of the things you said"
Daris_comett waddles over toward annie
_toyresa_ says, "yes Sir?
_toyresa_ says, "Total Trust Exchange?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you said "forget who you are in favor of Him""
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I personally don't believe a sub should ever forget who they are nor should the Dom/me allow them to forget that fact"
Daris_comett tries to squeeze his big ole thighs under the desk....gets out some crisco from his loiner
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the Dom/me chose you for who you are"
_toyresa_ says, "understands that Sir"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Other than that each of you had valid points"
_toyresa_ says, "and also knows that sometimes a subbie gives beyond herself and forgets herself for him"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the main thing is take your time, observe the Dom/me and the way they interact with others"
Daris_comett listens
Sex_GrandMaster says, "it is a Power and Trust exchange, your Dom/me must be able to trust you as much as you trust Them"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "after you have a potential Dom/me then you need to discuss ... discuss and discuss"
Daris_comett whispers and discuss
Sex_GrandMaster says, "go over the things you need and want and the things They need and want"
_toyresa_ . o O ( not argue argue  argue )
Daris_comett nods
Sex_GrandMaster says, "go over the limits each of you have set for yourselves"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "go over the prior experience you have had"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "become friends first and see if there is common ground"
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
Daris_comett smiles
Daris_comett raises his hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "these things will help you determine of this is the right Dom/me for you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes comett"
Daris_comett says, "May I go to the bathroom?......just kidding, there is a survey that helps with limits and such
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes it is on the second page of the sub newsletter for the Hall"
Daris_comett says, "my Mistress and I took three weeks to fill out and discuss each topic"
Daris_comett says, "I wasn't aware of that Sensei"
_toyresa_ . o O ( posted at castle realm i think )
_kylaira smiles
SGMs_annie says, "www.homestead.com/_annie/newsletter.html"
Sex_GrandMaster nods
Daris_comett says, "thank you annie"
Daris_comett smiles
_toyresa_ raise hand
SGMs_annie smiles at comett
Sex_GrandMaster says, "there are versions of it posted in various sites on the net, I suggest that every sub fill it out whether you have a prospective Dom/me or not"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes toy?"
_toyresa_ says, "thank you  Sensei .. i notice that it seems to pertain to female  sub/slaves"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and if you and your Dom/me haven't gone over it before then do it NOW!
_toyresa_ says, "i have added into my list such things as cbt and sounding"
_toyresa_ says, "which off the top of my head were male oriented"
Daris_comett smiles
_toyresa_ says, "several others which i can't recall"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the list I have has CBT and other things that are male oriented toy"
Daris_comett says, "toy, if I may Sensei"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you may comett"
_toyresa_ says, "good because i have had to explain those to many males"
_toyresa_ says, "listens"
Daris_comett says, "that list was created to encompass as many aspect of S&M as possible, it has categories for both sexes"
Sex_GrandMaster nods
Daris_comett says, "and some that are for each"
_toyresa_ says, "yes"
Daris_comett says, "like breast bondage and such"
_toyresa_ says, "yes"
_toyresa_ says, "but  i found it tossed aside by males , when i have talked with them"
Daris_comett smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "well that is a problem with their awareness then toy not the survey"
Daris_comett says, "well, maybe because males have a certain hatred for anything planned"
Daris_comett says, "or well thought out"
_toyresa_ says, "good point"
_hurt says, "excuse me but this left over fruit basket from Xmas should not be here but i needed some nice company today ! sorry ! SGM if You would please catch me later -see ya A/all"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a good Mistress will insist that they fill it out and discuss it though"
Daris_comett says, "be well, hurt....I would love to chat with you sometime"
SGMs_annie says, "be well hurt"
_toyresa_ hugs hurt
Sex_GrandMaster says, "be well hurt"
_hurt leaves.
_kylaira says, "spent weeks filling it out and discussing it"
SGMs_annie is still revising it as my limits and experiences change
Daris_comett . o O ( W/we still haven't gotten completely through it )
Sex_GrandMaster says, "ok so I have covered what is a Dom/me or M/M supposed to be and how to find the right one for you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and touched lightly on their responsibilities"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "which is also an important part of what they are"
Daris_comett raises his hand tentatively
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I think that is about enough for one class"
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes comett?"
Daris_comett says, "Sorry, Sensei, I was late arriving, but have You discuss the attributes a Dom/me is looking for in a sub?"
Daris_comett says, "in general, I mean"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "no that was supposed to be the second part of today's lesson"
Daris_comett says, "sorry, Sensei"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "but i think it needs to be split up or W/we will be here all night too"
_kylaira smiles... so will that be next weeks' class Sensei?
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes I'll cover that next week kyla"
Daris_comett will try to make it
_toyresa_ says, "thank you Sensei"
_kylaira says, "thank You Sensei.. it was a most enjoyable class"
_kylaira smiles
SGMs_annie says, "thank You Master"
imagine appreciates Your time and knowledge You have shared with us Sensei, Thank You Sir
Sex_GrandMaster says, "also I would like each of you to think about today's topic and if you have questions or input, W/we'll do that first next week"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "your all welcome"
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and thank you for coming to class"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "class is dismissed