Coping with new experiences & embarrassment 01-19-02 sex_grandmaster-d alright subject for today's class is coping with new experiences and embarrassment sex_grandmaster-d . o O ( I think that was it ) ws_perfectangel listens sex_grandmaster-d now W/we know that as growth comes in bdsm there is also growth in the types of things that are done sex_grandmaster-d for example when Y/you are new to BDSM and don't have much experience your limits are usually quite a few sex_grandmaster-d most of the items in the list of activities may seem extreme or at least very kinky sex_grandmaster-d many of them may sound like absolute NO's sex_grandmaster-d and many may be on the edge but sound interesting sex_grandmaster-d some you may have experienced in some vanilla sex play sex_grandmaster-d as W/we grow in the lifestyle and see some examples of those activities there is usually a spark of interest generated sex_grandmaster-d however in order for those activities to be tried they must be recognized and openly brought out to your P/partner snhs_tender.morsel . o O ( that's the hard part ) sex_grandmaster-d smiles sex_grandmaster-d no actually morsel that should be the easy part sex_grandmaster-d the hard part is facing the fact that you are interested in it ws_perfectangel nods snhs_tender.morsel should be Sensei but not for me it's probably the hardest part for me sex_grandmaster-d sometimes it is the justification to yourself that this is a curiosity and it is alright to want to try it sex_grandmaster-d unfortunately your social upbringing may interfere with this desire by making you think it is perverted or nasty to do some of these activities snhs_tender.morsel nods sex_grandmaster-d therefore the actual problem is not telling the O/other it is what will T/they think of me if I expose this perverted side ws_perfectangel agrees sex_grandmaster-d it is an issue of Y/you making a judgment call on the O/other persons ability to accept and discuss this interest in an open manner sgms_annie smiles sex_grandmaster-d so the crux of the situation is that you haven't faced yourself with the facts sex_grandmaster-d you think " I must be a real pervert to want to try this, what will they think of me?" sex_grandmaster-d secretly of course you are hoping that T/they are just as big of pervert as you are ws_perfectangel laffs ws_perfectangel raises her hand sex_grandmaster-d yes angel> ws_perfectangel did a lot of that kind of thinking in the beginning Sir...but found it was stifling B/both of U/us...I still get embarrassed sometimes, but force myself to talk it out ws_perfectangel it isn't easy though sex_grandmaster-d nods sex_grandmaster-d ok let's address the embarrassment issue here for a moment sex_grandmaster-d usually the reason for being embarrassed is tied to the same thing .... "what will T/they think of me?" sex_grandmaster-d are they going to run scared that I am a big pervert or maybe look in disgust and shout PERVERT!!!! snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand sex_grandmaster-d morsel? snhs_tender.morsel Sensei in a lot of cases i know what He thinks there things He wants me to do He wants it so i know He is ok with it but i still can't get past my own wall of embarrassment so then what is it if not what He will think sex_grandmaster-d good question sex_grandmaster-d smiles sex_grandmaster-d and the answer is usually, "what would (someone) think of me if they caught me doing that" sex_grandmaster-d it goes back to social or public opinion sex_grandmaster-d now the point in all of this is that the only person that has to be ok with what you want to do is yourself sex_grandmaster-d the rest of society either vanilla or BDSM or whatever other kink will only accept what you accept of yourself sex_grandmaster-d you are not forcing them to do anything and it is your right to do what you want sex_grandmaster-d of course it is only prudent to go along with the social mores when out in public ws_perfectangel holds up her hand sex_grandmaster-d in other words I don't advocate throwing a sub over the table at Denny's and giving them a birthday spanking on their bare ass with the restaurant full sex_grandmaster-d angel? ws_perfectangel lol at Denny's snhs_tender.morsel laffs would sure make Denny's less boring ws_perfectangel has friends, both on line and in rl, who cannot understand or seem to accept the choices I have made in the last couple of months sex_grandmaster-d Oh I didn't think that the Meet lunch at Denny's was boring morsel ws_perfectangel gave up trying to explain...sent them some urls to check out, but is it my job to educate them so they will accept me? ws_perfectangel I am still the same person I was in many ways.. snhs_tender.morsel no Sensei that's cause W/we were there ;-) sex_grandmaster-d no it isn't your responsibility to educate them nor do you even need their acceptance angel ws_perfectangel yes Sir...but it hurts when you are rejected because you aren't like them ws_perfectangel is finding new friends... snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand sex_grandmaster-d your position should be that either they do or they don't and if they do then they are real friends if they don't then they weren't really a friend anyway ws_perfectangel nods sex_grandmaster-d if it requires that you be like them to be accepted then it is a clique and your acceptance is limited to begin with, at the first sign of not following the leader of the clique you are out of there baby sex_grandmaster-d morsel? ws_perfectangel smiles snhs_tender.morsel my comment was along the lines of what You just said Sensei and a lot directed to angel sex_grandmaster-d that is immature high school attitudes and they need to grow up angel *S* snhs_tender.morsel my icq list was long but i had to hide who i was too much i decided to tell all my friends and most of my family ws_perfectangel well, Sir...that's probably not going to happen...one reason I hang out here mainly now sex_grandmaster-d nods and smiles snhs_tender.morsel and i told them either you accept me or not and i lost a few but the ones that are left i no longer have to hide from and gained so M/many in return sex_grandmaster-d I think mature friends that accept you for who you are is the better choice ws_perfectangel smiles.... ws_perfectangel almost quit my chat job the other day...and I am still considering it sex_grandmaster-d now back to the subject ws_perfectangel sorry, Sir sgms_annie listens snhs_tender.morsel the ones i lost i found weren't really true friends anyway and knowing that it didn't hurt as much because i no longer wanted them as "friends" sex_grandmaster-d smiles to morsel sex_grandmaster-d when a new interest comes along what is the first thing that happens? sex_grandmaster-d interest in a new activity I mean *S* sex_grandmaster-d it generally starts out as a curiosity right? sex_grandmaster-d then you start investigating it ws_perfectangel {leaves} sex_grandmaster-d you start talking about it to O/others snhs_tender.morsel nods sex_grandmaster-d or at the very least you start listening intently when O/others talk about the subject sex_grandmaster-d smiles sex_grandmaster-d this is the most advantageous point to bring in those that may be engaged in this new activity with you sex_grandmaster-d the thoughts can be shared and exchanged in the early stages sex_grandmaster-d Y/you grow into the concept of trying this out together sex_grandmaster-d now unless it has been a specific hard limit before a discussion can be opened about the possibilities sex_grandmaster-d if it was a hard limit then a discussion on limits would need to be opened sex_grandmaster-d E/everyone should discuss limits as well as what is desirable and what does nothing for you sex_grandmaster-d make sure that you have covered the ground with your own personal feelings that this particular activity is something of interest to you and therefore is acceptable to do sex_grandmaster-d in other words you accept yourself as no different before and this new activity is merely a step in the growth of your personality sex_grandmaster-d any questions so far? sgms_annie no Master snhs_tender.morsel no questions Sensei sex_grandmaster-d alright let's look at the reverse side now sex_grandmaster-d your Dom/me comes to you with an interest in a new activity that you hadn't done before sex_grandmaster-d what's the most likely first response? sgms_annie raises my hand sex_grandmaster-d annie? sgms_annie for me its L/lets try it sex_grandmaster-d chuckles sex_grandmaster-d well not everyone may be as willing as that annie *S* sex_grandmaster-d morsel? snhs_tender.morsel the same thing Sensei even if i am interested i can't let that on i will if interested go along with it under the guise that it's because He wants it snhs_tender.morsel a lot of my responses here are not going to be the norm Sensei sex_grandmaster-d so you lay the burden of being the Pervert at His feet and just suffer through it sex_grandmaster-d smiles sex_grandmaster-d I'm not sure there is a norm in BDSM morsel and that is kind of the point here snhs_tender.morsel it's hard to explain Sensei in the beginning yes i have grown some but it's an issue much deeper than simple embarrassment sex_grandmaster-d nods to morsel sex_grandmaster-d this is all a part of personal growth and development morsel, becoming the best that you can be sex_grandmaster-d the situation is that usually what is holding growth back is past baggage sex_grandmaster-d in other words the baggage of society and what it will accept as a norm snhs_tender.morsel i'm sure it is Sensei and that's what i am working on now digging that baggage out and dealing with it to get rid of it sex_grandmaster-d baggage of what you were taught in your youth sex_grandmaster-d baggage of what has happened in your past relationships snhs_tender.morsel well i think i have a lot of excess hidden baggage i haven't even found yet sex_grandmaster-d nods to morsel snhs_tender.morsel hushes sex_grandmaster-d personally I think if you haven't opened the bags for a long time then it is time to dump them wholesale, like cleaning house sex_grandmaster-d no need to open them up and look for something you want to save in them because there probably isn't anything of value in them sex_grandmaster-d not necessarily easy to do, but a start is to stop thinking as you have in the past sex_grandmaster-d you out grow a pair of shoes you throw them away sex_grandmaster-d back to the subject sex_grandmaster-d smiles sex_grandmaster-d communication of Y/your interests in new experiences and gathering information about it is a good place to start sex_grandmaster-d in this manner it either becomes a mutual interest or Y/you discover that it isn't for Y/you sex_grandmaster-d seldom does it turn out that O/one will still have an extreme desire for it and the O/other not sex_grandmaster-d so Y/you will meet somewhere between and neither party has to be embarrassed sex_grandmaster-d alright are there any questions? sex_grandmaster-d any comments? snhs_tender.morsel no Sensei sgms_annie no Master sex_grandmaster-d smiles to morsel sex_grandmaster-d ok then class is dismissed snhs_tender.morsel thank You Sensei sgms_annie thank You Master sex_grandmaster-d you're welcome morsel and annie