Safe words 2-02-02 sex_grandmaster-d alright today's class is on safe words and their use -jade- sits up straight and listens snoopys_muse listens sex_grandmaster-d I was inspired by the editorial to cover this subject because I have also seen the same things that She talked about in her editorial sex_grandmaster-d unfortunately there are some Dom/mes and subs that think safe words are not necessary snoopys_muse shakes head sex_grandmaster-d this I think comes from the fact that T/they do not know the reason for safe words sex_grandmaster-d or possibly T/they feel that using a safe word makes them a wimp or shows a lack of trust sex_grandmaster-d what are safe words used for? snhs_tender.morsel {enters} sex_grandmaster-d safe words have multiple purposes sgms_annie raises my hand chevys'-jaslinn raises hand snoopys_muse smiles at morsel sex_grandmaster-d wb morsel sex_grandmaster-d annie? snhs_tender.morsel slips to a seat quietly sgms_annie to communicate the level that you are feeling, emotionally and physically sex_grandmaster-d nods puddin {enters} sex_grandmaster-d jas? sex_grandmaster-d hello puddin come in and take a seat chevys'-jaslinn slow or stop the scene chevys'-jaslinn grins at puddin puddin *smiles and walks quietly to sit down* sex_grandmaster-d nods puddin *smiles at jas* sex_grandmaster-d are there other purposes for a safe word? snoopys_muse raises hand sex_grandmaster-d muse? snoopys_muse forgive me if this sounds flip... but to keep from breaking the Dom's favorite toy... *g* -jade- giggles sex_grandmaster-d smiles sgms_annie giggles snoopys_muse sorry -jade- raises my hand sex_grandmaster-d yes that is a good one LOL sex_grandmaster-d jade? puddin *smiles* -jade- to provide security during experimentation and exploration of limits? sex_grandmaster-d good one jade *S* -jade- smiles sex_grandmaster-d alright we have safety, security and communication snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand sex_grandmaster-d morsel? snhs_tender.morsel it also shows trust Sensei in the sub that she/he trusts the Dom/me to honor it and the Dom/me that He/She can trust the sub to keep Them informed of his/her condition snhs_tender.morsel . o O ( something i really really need to work on ) sex_grandmaster-d alright is there ever a case of a safe word showing a lack of trust? snhs_tender.morsel thinks snoopys_muse thinking -jade- raises my hand sex_grandmaster-d jade? -jade- if one uses a safe word when not in physical or emotional discomfort too perhaps change the scene for convenience....? sex_grandmaster-d I think that is more topping from the bottom that lack of trust jade -jade- wouldn't that show a lack of trust? sex_grandmaster-d smiles snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand puddin raises my hand sex_grandmaster-d morsel? snhs_tender.morsel using it to get out of a punishment would also be topping from the bottom Sensei? sex_grandmaster-d yes in a sense morsel, however the Dom/me should just change the punishment in that case snhs_tender.morsel doesn't know then sex_grandmaster-d puddin? puddin if you used the word just to see if it worked.. if He would stop.. kind of crying wolf? sex_grandmaster-d well that would be more like testing the Dom/me *S* sex_grandmaster-d alright the answer is yes of course it can mean a lack of trust lrd_lionheart_d {enters} sex_grandmaster-d but not a lack of trust in the Dom/me because obviously you are trusting that They will honor it lrd_lionheart_d Hello and greetings A/all -jade- smiles and looks up at LLH sex_grandmaster-d nods to LLH lrd_lionheart_d Grins over to SGM sex_grandmaster-d come on in and have a seat LLH, class is in session snoopys_muse smiles@ Lionheart Sir sex_grandmaster-d smiles lrd_lionheart_d Need another's Doms input there Pard? lrd_lionheart_d chuckles and sits snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand sex_grandmaster-d where the lack of trust would be is in the area the scene is going and whether you are ready to go there sex_grandmaster-d is this bad? no it isn't ... that is what pushing the limits is all about sex_grandmaster-d morsel? chevys'-jaslinn raises hand snhs_tender.morsel W/we have safe words in place Sensei W/we always have had but i have never yet used one even at times when i probably should have almost like i am afraid to use them for some reason would that be a lack of trust in myself maybe? sex_grandmaster-d perhaps a lack of trust in how SNH is going to take you using it? snhs_tender.morsel possibly Sensei sex_grandmaster-d not using your safe word when needed shows a lack of trust as well, it also creates a lack of trust of you in your Dom/me sex_grandmaster-d jas? chevys'-jaslinn wouldn't that ultimately be perceived as a lack of trust in the Dom/me to take you safely past this point or knowing if you are ready snhs_tender.morsel logically i know He would handle it just fine and stop and make sure i was ok maybe more oh i don't know sex_grandmaster-d not really jas, going into an unknown area is exactly that unknown sex_grandmaster-d in other words regardless of how much I know about knife play, I don't know what you or any other sub can handle until I have used them on you lrd_lionheart_d Raises a big paw? sex_grandmaster-d each personal response is different and the tolerances are different sex_grandmaster-d LLH? lrd_lionheart_d Um...Looks at everyone here....I feel like everyone should take a deep personal evaluation of yourselves in your relationship.."Now" where you stand in it..I am talking about the ones here who fear using a safe word snhs_tender.morsel hides her face lrd_lionheart_d discuss this with your other Half lrd_lionheart_d grinz at morsel...was not singling you out hon lrd_lionheart_d make your other Half know where you are at.. lrd_lionheart_d He will appreciate that honesty lrd_lionheart_d She even lrd_lionheart_d I respect a submissives desire to use it lrd_lionheart_d the safe word...I listen lrd_lionheart_d and hold a discussion afterwards...totally respectful....I listen snhs_tender.morsel listens quietly lrd_lionheart_d I feel that is My responsibility...I am not insulted puddin listens and makes notes -jade- smiles softly lrd_lionheart_d I do not feel challenged by that(use of a safe word)..and the discussion afterwards..is a learning experience for growth for U/us both as well lrd_lionheart_d that is My viewpoint at this point of the discussion sex_grandmaster-d nods to LLH sex_grandmaster-d Now the point is that safe words have been used in the lifestyle for a long time so there is obviously a need and purpose lrd_lionheart_d Grins and nods at SGM ...And listens sex_grandmaster-d it is the means of communication for safety and comfort during a scene or during a new activity sex_grandmaster-d regardless of how experienced the Dom/me is if this is your first experience at it there is no way of judging your limits or responses ahead of time sex_grandmaster-d therefore if it becomes too intense or there is something going wrong you must use the safe word sex_grandmaster-d an example could be bondage .... what if the ropes tighten too much from your movements? say you are beginning to lose feeling in your extremities? sex_grandmaster-d should you continue and take the risk of damage? sex_grandmaster-d no absolutely not snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand sex_grandmaster-d so you see the use of a safe word isn't about "I don't trust You" it's about safety, comfort, and emotional readiness sex_grandmaster-d morsel? snhs_tender.morsel maybe i am using safe words Sensei just different words that actually happened last night ropes got too tight on my wrists from my "squirming" all i had to say was my wrists are too tight He stopped and loosened them sex_grandmaster-d yes that is a safe word in a phrase *S* snhs_tender.morsel i had no problem doing that sex_grandmaster-d however if you are too far involved to from a complete sentence then yellow would have let Him know that there needed to be a correction made sex_grandmaster-d form not from snhs_tender.morsel nods snhs_tender.morsel never gets that far-gone lol sex_grandmaster-d in other words a safe "word" is like a shortcut to a statement sex_grandmaster-d green for instance means " go for it i'm primed and ready" lrd_lionheart_d chuckles sex_grandmaster-d yellow can mean "Houston i think we may have a problem here" snhs_tender.morsel . o O ( Houston W/we are GO for Launch! ) sex_grandmaster-d and red of course would mean "stop the countdown there is a problem" snhs_tender.morsel raises her hand again sex_grandmaster-d morsel? snhs_tender.morsel so is the way i am doing it just as ok Sensei as long as i have all my wits with me to speak in complete sentences? sex_grandmaster-d sure morsel, there isn't a prescribed way set in concrete, E/everyone should set up safe words or sentences that work for them sex_grandmaster-d sometimes even a dance is used sex_grandmaster-d chuckles sex_grandmaster-d winks at My slave sgms_annie laughs and blushes lrd_lionheart_d Grins at jade snhs_tender.morsel W/we have the standard red green and yellow but usually just me telling Him something like that suffices fine and i seam to be more comfortable with that way -jade- smiles and blushes sex_grandmaster-d then continue with that by all means morsel sex_grandmaster-d smiles snhs_tender.morsel yeoowwwcchhhhh!!!!! is usually pretty clear that that hurts too much lol puddin grins sex_grandmaster-d now the concern with what was in the editorial is with P/people that are against safe words or think they are not needed sex_grandmaster-d I wanted to do this class so that if A/any of you come up against that thinking you are prepared to point out why they do need them and the necessity of them sex_grandmaster-d also that it is not an indication of lack of trust, but in actuality using them confirms your trust sex_grandmaster-d to blindly think that I or any other Dom/me can know where you are without them is folly puddin nods sex_grandmaster-d in fact if I am sceneing someone new I make a habit of asking several times during the scene what their color is sex_grandmaster-d particularly if it is something intense like knife play chevys'-jaslinn raises hand sex_grandmaster-d jas? chevys'-jaslinn what if the Dom/me is in a state of Dom space I think it is called and do not pay attention to the subs safe word? sex_grandmaster-d first ..... I don't believe in Dom/me space ..... the Dom/me has no business sceneing someone if They can't stay out of a euphoria state until after the scene sex_grandmaster-d second if you scene with someone like that Y/you had better have what is known as a watcher for the scene lrd_lionheart_d Nods and says under His breath yes sex_grandmaster-d S/someone that will step in and stop the scene if it appears that something is wrong sex_grandmaster-d up to and including physical force if necessary chevys'-jaslinn thank You Sensei sex_grandmaster-d in addition I would advise never sceneing with that Dom/me again lrd_lionheart_d Nods chevys'-jaslinn raises hand sex_grandmaster-d sorry but I am very opinionated about the Dom/me maintaining complete control during a scene sex_grandmaster-d smiles to jas sex_grandmaster-d jas? chevys'-jaslinn I can understand that Sensei *smile* it could be a dangerous situation but Dom/mes are not proficient without practice so how does a Dom/me get the needed practice if no one will scene I know They can start on pillows and themselves but not the same as a real person *smile* lrd_lionheart_d Raises a paw again sex_grandmaster-d well long before They start to scene they need to learn self control, that is the first step in becoming a Dom/me sex_grandmaster-d then the smart Dom/me will ask other Dom/mes to instruct them in the use of various implements of torture, uhhh pleasure that is sgms_annie grins snhs_tender.morsel giggles puddin smiles sgms_annie raises my hand sex_grandmaster-d then watch scenes that involve these tools and practice with them and eventually do short scenes until they have developed the skills necessary sex_grandmaster-d also have a skilled Dom/me observe Them and help during their early scenes sex_grandmaster-d LLH? lrd_lionheart_d Yes SGM, this is a totally whole different subject, but, as a Dom I look at Myself deeply, how I affect others sex_grandmaster-d nods lrd_lionheart_d time on the computer, how I speak, etc...these are other control items sex_grandmaster-d annie? sgms_annie check the local BDSM club, they are across the united states, the one here has seminars...today's was on fire play sex_grandmaster-d nods to annie chevys'-jaslinn . o O ( live in bum----- nowhere doubt they know what BDSM is ) sex_grandmaster-d Many of the seminars have a hands on period at the end where Dom/mes can get practice with new things sex_grandmaster-d alright then to recap today's class sex_grandmaster-d safe words are used for communication and safety, it keeps your Dom/me advised of how you are handling the activity and if there is a problem that is not apparent sex_grandmaster-d or perhaps that the scene is moving too fast or is too intense, sex_grandmaster-d something that cannot be judged by the Dom/me without your input sex_grandmaster-d safe words are a matter of trust both ways sex_grandmaster-d the Dom/me trusts the sub to use the safe word in case something is not as expected and the sub trusts the Dom/me to honor the safe words sex_grandmaster-d safe words are actually short cuts to a complete statement that is advising that something needs corrected or everything is a go sex_grandmaster-d looks to the class sex_grandmaster-d Any comments or questions at this point? snhs_tender.morsel shakes her head no sgms_annie has none lrd_lionheart_d I like your use of the red/yellow/green along with sentences chevys'-jaslinn no Sensei *smile* sex_grandmaster-d not particularly My invention LLH *S* lrd_lionheart_d also a number system 1-5 or 1-10 also puddin no questions Sensei -jade- no questions most enjoyable Class SGM Sir sex_grandmaster-d alright then class is dismissed, feel free to stay and chat or discuss if Y/you like lrd_lionheart_d Like green 3 sex_grandmaster-d thank you jade sgms_annie thank You Master lrd_lionheart_d give me more..grins.. sex_grandmaster-d LOL LLH chevys'-jaslinn thank You for class Sir *smile* sex_grandmaster-d your welcome jas lrd_lionheart_d chuckles puddin *smiles* thank You Sir -jade- gives LLH more.......laughs so hard sex_grandmaster-d your welcome puddin