Online Protocol  12-11-99

After we had introduced ourselves and told about what we thought submission was and how long we have been interested, Sensei began to discuss BDSM and on-line protocol.


Sex_GrandMaster says, "basically on one hand you have the Dominants"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and on the other you have the submissives"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "but the primary things that make it work are"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Respect, Honor and Trust"
MsSofts_coraline raises her hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "all three of these must be present in your relationship or it won't work"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes coraline?"
MsSofts_coraline says, "is it called too Sane, Safe and Consensual?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "no those are the conditions that are followed"
MsSofts_coraline understands
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "as I said the lines are sometimes blurred in some relationships because there are people that switch"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "in other words trade off the roles of Dominant and sub"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and the range of interests are extremely varied, they go from slap and tickle to true Sadism and Masochism"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "most of you will fall somewhere in between these extremes"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and it is necessary for you to find an M/M that fits where you are now"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a word of caution however"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you will not stay at that point, you will grow and expand your needs and horizons"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "your M/M is charged with continually teaching you to be the best you can be and to expand your horizons"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now I mentioned Respect, Honor and Trust"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is a two way street"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "your M/M must have those things with you and you must have it with Them"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "it behooves you then to take your time and select the M/M you submit to"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "your submission is a gift, a treasured gift if it is given to the right M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "but the gift doesn't mean much if it is to the wrong Person or if you do not have the basic foundation of who you are"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "let Me expand on that"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a True Dominant wants a submissive that is sure of themselves in who and what they are, confident in their role"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a submissive that is selective and knows the Worth of their M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a doormat You buy at K-Mart or Wal-Mart"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now the purpose of the Class is not to make a bunch of clones submissives"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "it is to help you understand who and what you are and give you the information to use those skills"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "in this lifestyle the Protocol is very important"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "as attendees of this class I would like to see each of you use those Protocols"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Respect"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that means Respect for A/all"
sublady raises her hand with a question
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes sublady?"
sublady says, "respect is something earned...so why would a submissive or even a Master give automatic "respect" to O/one who enters just because T/they have "Master" in their name?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I was just about to cover that sublady"
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
hispassion lowers her hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is a Protocol of the lifestyle sublady, at least in this site A/all offer the Respect automatically until it is proven that it isn't deserved"
sublady understands
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now there are different levels of Respect"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is the Respect I afford you because you tell me you are submissive, I will therefore treat you as a sub"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I will accord you the courtesy of sub status"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the same with an M/M that I have not met"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if as time goes on T/they indeed conduct themselves as they claim they are then it becomes more than courtesy"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "so the initial Respect is borne out of courtesy, the lasting Respect is from proven actions"
sublady says, "Yes Sensei, thank You"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if you do not see the actions that garner true respect then it remains a courtesy"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "while I'm at it I want to cover the term Worthy"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "in a lot of places it is used to denote a Dominant"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "however Worthy is when S/someone has actually proven themselves deserving of the true Respect"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "not just courtesy"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "therefore it is actually W/worthy"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "subs are as worthy as a Dominant can be"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now on to Trust"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Trust is a two way street as well"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you must be able to Trust your M/M and They must be able to Trust you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "for Me Trust is fairly simple"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "it means do as Y/you say Y/you will do and be"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if you give Y/your word that you will do something and then don't you have broken Trust"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Trust is based on Honor"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "your honor"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "your M/M's honor"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Honor is not just from one person to another it also lives inside of Y/you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "it is how you conduct yourself in your commitments"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "so Honor and Trust go hand in hand"
hispassion lifts her hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "ok I mentioned Protocol"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "Protocol is basically the ways of showing the courtesy or Respect for A/all"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "it differs in many cases from online to real life"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and sometimes will be due to what your M/M requires of you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "as you notice in this site the rules state that subs asking to enter is appreciated but not required"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is because some M/M's do not feel their sub must ask permission from any but themselves"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "kneeling is also a display of respect and some M/M's will not allow their sub to kneel to any but them, while others follow the standard of allowing it"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you should also reserve the usage of Master or Mistress for your M/M unless it is used in the full name"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "such as Master Sensei"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "other wise address them as Sir or Ma'am"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "unless they have given you leave to call them by something other"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "unless they have given you leave to call them by something other"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "such as a short version of their name"
CantHelpIt raises my hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "ok I want to cover just enough briefly today to get you comfortable and I will expand on things during other Classes"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes chi?"
CantHelpIt says, "Sensei. what of greetings with the use of initials.. if one is acquainted with Someone, is it proper to greet with initials?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if they have given you permission yes"
CantHelpIt says, "ah.. thank You Sensei."
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I usually have P/people call Me SGM because it is less typing"
dave says, "question"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and I don't need my full title typed out to know who I am"
CantHelpIt smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes dave?"
dave says, "is it ok to ask permission to use a shorter name"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes but normally the Dom/me or sub will offer it if it is appropriate"
dave says, "thank you"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "there is nothing wrong with inquiring "what may I call you""
dave says, "yes sir"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "ok on to kneeling and serving"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "kneeling or serving in My opinion falls into 3 categories"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "first one is the basic kneel for Anyone"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "this should be done with your back straight, butt on your heels and thighs together, hands resting on your thighs palms down"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and eyes lowered in respect"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if you are serving Someone in the basic kneel of course you hold the tray in your hands"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "or whatever it is you are serving"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the second type is the M/M hunting or enticing kneel"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and while I am on serving here, the purpose of serving is not only to serve and please but to entice the M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "IF   you are interested in that M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "but do not serve enticingly if you have no interest"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "on the second type of kneel you would generally widen your thighs for the pleasure of the M/M you are serving"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "thereby indicating to them that you are interested in more from that particular M/M"
MsSofts_coraline raises a hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes coraline?"
MsSofts_coraline says, "may we use that kind of kneeling for our own M/M ?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes of course but normally it would be the third type for your M/M"
MsSofts_coraline nods
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now of course if your M/M instructs you to kneel a particular way then you follow their orders, they may want to show your treasures off to Another with pride"
Sex_GrandMaster smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now the third type is generally reserved for your M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "in that kneel/serve you would place your palms up on your thighs indicating full submission and readiness to serve"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "as well as spread your thighs widely for the viewing pleasure of that M/M"
sublady raises her hand, has 2 questions
Sex_GrandMaster says, "very few M/M will not want their sub to display the treasures They own"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes sublady?"
sublady says, "for the sub with no M/M..when entering the room and being granted permission, must the sub say they are kneeling as in the first example, is that the protocol for this realm, or for all?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you may kneel in the first or second position or sit on the sub couches as you choose if you have no M/M"
sublady says, "thank You Sensei, may i ask my second question?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "many that are seeking use the second kneel for enticement in a general sense"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes you may"
sublady says, "for the sub with no M/M..is a M/M asks a sub to serve...may the sub respectfully decline? and if so are they then looked upon with less respect for doing so?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes you may respectfully decline and no it does not lessen your respect"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "at least in this site and it should be so in all
sublady says, "again thank You, Sensei...smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a sub is not required to serve Anyone if they don't want to"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is your choice, as well as sceneing or any other activity is concerned"
kittycarml raiser her hand with a question
dave says, "question Sensei"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a Dominant does not have the automatic right to take liberties with a submissive"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes kitty first"
kittycarml says, "thank You Sensei"
MsSofts_coraline listens to kitty
kittycarml says, "I recently had an encounter with a Dom which I found unpleasant. What is the proper way to tell Him no thanks?? This particular Dom was very insistent with me.."
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the best way is to say "with all due respect Sir .. no thank you""
kittycarml says, "I did try that Sensei and He kept after me..."
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if they continue then ask another Dominant to help you"
kittycarml says, "Thank You Sensei..."
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if that doesn't help then tell them that you are not automatically required to serve him in any manner and that He is offending you"
kittycarml smiles   and appreciates Your advice
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if that fails then place them on ignore"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if there are any repercussions from that action tell them to talk with Me about it"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "dave?"
kittycarml says, "thank You.."
dave says, "is there a point were a sub is owned and does not have the right to tell a M/M no?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that is dependent on the agreement that has been negotiated between the sub/slave and the M/M dave"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "but in My opinion NO!
dave says, "thank you Sensei"
CantHelpIt raises my hand
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a sub always has the right to negotiate with their M/M if they feel it may be harmful in any way"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "however if your M/M should place you in that position perhaps you should reconsider your commitment"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes chi?"
CantHelpIt says, "Sensei. on a different topic, is there a recognized distinction between a sub and a slave?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "that depends on your definitions chi"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "discounting the fantasy world of Gor, a sub can also be a slave"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "annie is My slave yet she remains a sub"
SGMs_annie smiles
Sex_GrandMaster says, "she is My slave by her choice not by My requirement"
CantHelpIt says, "so there IS a distinction?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "annie perhaps you would like to explain a bit about that"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes basically though it is the level of commitment to the M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and not to their rights"
CantHelpIt says, "thank You Sensei.."
SGMs_annie says, "i became a slave when the level of submission i was feeling changed, i had been withholding part of me from my Master...."
i like everyone has baggage from my past...and when i let go of it...i no longer hold back anything...i am not a slave..in the classic sense...or the gorean...i have a voice..i have a choice...i am loved and cherished"
SGMs_annie says, "i think my web page explains it better Master, may i give the URL it?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes you may annie"
SGMs_annie says, "it is http://www.homestead.com/_annie/personalme4.html"
SGMs_annie says, "thank You Master *s*"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and give the addy for the subs page annie"
SGMs_annie says, "it is http://www.homestead.com/_annie/newsletter.html"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "on the sub meeting newsletter there is a survey consisting of 200 questions"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "its purpose is to help you define your needs and likes in the activities commonly practiced in the BDSM lifestyle"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if you have not filled it out before then I suggest you do so now, and keep it so you may send it to your M/M or a prospective M/M"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "now I want to touch quickly on safety"
SGMs_annie says, "Master?"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "yes annie?"
SGMs_annie says, "to get to the survey they will need to hit the next button, Master for the 2nd page"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "thank you annie"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "for safety reasons you should never meet an M/M alone for the first time"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "if you do however in any event you must have safe calls in place so that someone knows where you are and what is happening"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "a safe call is someone that is available to come where you are and assist you if need be"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "you also set up a code word or phrase so they know you are not under duress when you place the call to let them know you are alright"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and a public meeting place is of course the best place"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "the best advice is to wait until you have known them for some time before meeting"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "and don't be anxious to find an M/M and ignore those steps"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "however in any case never meet someone for the first time without S/someone knowing about it and where you are going to be"
Sex_GrandMaster says, "I think that pretty well fills up a first day at class"