Dom/mes, Mentors and Protectors
a review of the basics
by Sex_GrandMaster
Contents:
Preface.
Dom/mes.
Dom/mes 101 the basics.
The next step.
Learning.
Responsibilities.
Growing.
M/mentors
What is a M/mentor?
How can I/i be a M/mentor?
Do I/i need a M/mentor?
How do I/i get a M/mentor?
Protectors
What is a Protector?
Who needs One?
How do I get One?
How does it work?
Restrictions and Rules of Conduct.
In this review I will cover the questions most often asked about these topics
and hopefully correct many misconceptions that result in errors, abuse and misuse of these P/positions.
It is surprising how M/many have the idea that a Dominant can merely tack on a label and "become" a
Dom or Domme, yet have no problem in accepting that submissives must be trained. Further, this concept fosters
the mistaken impression that training a submissive is getting out the flogger or paddle and whaling away at will.
Only an irresponsible person takes on a position without studying about it and learning all they can.
Yet this seems common in this lifestyle. Tacking a label to Your name, grabbing a submissive as Yours
(often times the first unknowing one that will have you), utilizing a few lines You have seen in chat or heard
in the movies and then hoping for On The Job Training is the sure road to failure, pain and H/heartache.
Therefore I applaud T/those that are taking the time to read this article and hopefully it will enlighten S/some.
As with all books, articles, and training materials keep in M/mind this is written and biased from the A/authors
point of view, level of knowledge and exposure to the subject.
In other words, don't just read .. THINK!
SGM.
Dom/mes
Dom/mes 101 the basics
For whatever personal reason you have decided that you are a Dominant, hopefully, in the case of the male this isn't a
decision based simply on that fact alone; or, seated in the mire of societal pressure that says all males are "supposed" to be the boss.
In the case of females the decision of being Dominant is every bit as difficult as the decision for males that they are submissive, as society
pictures all women as submissive.
The fact is that Dominance or submission is not gender specific. It is a personality trait and each person has both factors present
to some extent; the ratio of your particular personality is what makes you Dominant or submissive. Choose to be a Dom/me based on what you feel and what role
you want to take in the relationship.
The Dom/me is the one that is in control, the one given the power, the one that leads and teaches, the one that must come
up with the answers.
If this is the role you seek and are willing to expend the effort to care for, nurture, guide and teach your charge, then by all means
continue ton the path of Dominance. Do not think, however, that it is an easy path. It requires a continuous effort to learn and expand your own abilities and knowledge.
The Next Step
The first thing you must realize is that deciding you are a Dom/me does not automatically make you a Dom/me. You can take the
Title and you can be afforded the initial courtesy that the Title affords. Courtesy is a given, but to gain the respect and continued acceptance you must work for it and
prove yourself to your peers. Posturing and bluffing will have a short lived acceptance in the BDSM lifestyle.
I think of the Dominant in three categories. The beginner with a Dominant personality and desire to learn, who with effort and hard work will
earn the right to call themselves a Dom/me. The Dom/me, this person continues to learn and interact with their peers, seeking information and expanding their knowledge and
abilities. And the Master or Mistress, this person has reached a level of expertise in one or more areas and has the ability and desire to pass their knowledge along to others.
This does not mean One stops learning.
Your goal should be to reach that level honestly and with honor.
Learning
The first step in learning is to examine your own character. Look at your flaws, good points and abilities, catalog them and
either accept them or change the undesirable ones.
Then it is imperative that you learn total self control. This does not mean that you do not get angry, upset or hurt, but that you are able to
recognize those emotions and control the time and place to handle them in the proper manner. The proper manner is without anger or malice coloring your actions. You cannot
control another if you are not in control of yourself.
Once you have taken these first steps it is time to seek out the knowledge to expand your abilities and horizons. Look to your fellow Dom/mes for
answers, read material on both submissives and Dominants, and material written by B/both. Think and make your own conclusions about the information you are getting and involve
yourself in discussions and the community.
There are many places on the net that have a wealth of information regarding BDSM; look to those sources as well as real life groups in your local area.
Responsibilities
There are many responsibilities that a Dom/me is charged with keeping and expected to live up to. The first and foremost responsibility
if you have a submissive is to protect and care for them, to never cause permanent harm or damage mentally, physically or emotionally to those in your charge. Second you are charged with
teaching your submissive the protocols of the lifestyle, seeing to their needs and guiding them to be the best submissive they can be. The success or failure of this endeavor will depend
on your experience and effort.
You are responsible for Your actions as a Dom/me, and any under your charge, for sticking to protocol and upholding the ideas of Respect, Honor, and
Trust. You are charged with the responsibility of maintaining safe, sane and consensual actions in all that you do.
You are expected to conduct yourself in a respectful and dignified manner in all dealings with others.
This is not a complete list by any means. You will find as you grow into being a Dom/me there will be other expectations placed on you by your peers,
and each peer group will be different.
Growing
Growth must be a continuous goal for the Dominant. Seek out new knowledge from all sources, You cannot and will not know everything You need to know;
but with a constant and vigilant effort to search out knowledge, you will at least know where to start looking for the information you need. The most common areas to search first is with your
peers, never be hesitant to ask for information, guidance or even training in something that you are unfamiliar with. Keep in mind that even the most skilled craftsman or artist started out
at the same level, knowing nothing. The difference in then and now is the amount of effort put into learning their craft or skill. The level and quality of Dominant that you become will reflect
the amount of effort that you have given to learning and honing your skills; I am not referring to just the play skills, but the people skills that are the mark of a true Dominant.
What you will ultimately be judged by is not how well you toss around the phrases of BDSM, or how much you appear to know about spanking, or flogging, but how you handle yourself in times of
pressure, how you handle your submissive, and how you interact with others.
If this review has instilled an interest in you to renew or expand your efforts to learn, I would reccomend a trip to castle Realm
there is an excellent area there on Domination and many other subjects. I have not been through the entire site, but it is obvious that an enormous amount of time and effort has been expended to gather
and present valid information. Avail yourself of this resource and others that are on the Great Hall links page.
M/mentors
This section to be published soon
Protectors
This section to be published soon
Copyright, © by Sex_GrandMaster 2001